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Family Counselling / Grief / Pain Management Therapies
What is Grief Counseling?
Grief is… a reaction to any form of loss… [that] encompass a range of feelings from deep sadness to anger, and the process of adapting to a significant loss can vary dramatically from one person to another, depending on his or her background, beliefs, relationship to what was lost, and other factors.
Although you may be most familiar with the idea of grief as a response to the death of a loved one, the definition given here is broader: “… a reaction to any form of loss” (emphasis mine). Thus, grief is something that can be experienced in a wide range of situations, including the death of a loved one or a pet, the dissolution of a marriage, estrangement with a family member, or any other kind of significant loss.
Grief counseling is intended to help the client grieve in a healthy manner, to understand and cope with the emotions they experience, and to ultimately find a way to move on. This can be accomplished through existential therapy, individual therapy , group therapy , and/or family therapy.
“5 Stages of Grief”
There are many unique theories and models of grieving with different stages and processes, generally all models agree that the following symptoms are common, whichever order they appear in:
- Shock and disbelief, feeling numb, even denial that the loss occurred
- Sadness, despair, loneliness, feeling empty
- Guilt, regret, shame
- Anger, feeling resentful
- Anxiety, helplessness, insecurity, fear
- Physical symptoms like fatigue, nausea, sickness, weight loss or gain, aches and pains, night sweats, heart palpitations, feeling faint or lightheaded, insomnia.
There are “5 Stages of Grief” one can experience in due course of suffering. The five stages are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Another popular model comes from J. W. Worden, who proposed that humans must undergo the “Four Tasks of Mourning” to heal:
- To accept the reality of the loss
- To work through the pain of grief
- To adjust to life without the deceased
- To maintain a connection to the deceased while moving on with life (Mastrangelo & Wood, 2016)
It’s normal to experience these symptoms, but if you are experiencing them very intensely or for a long period of time after suffering the loss, you may want to look into grief counseling or grief therapy.
The Benefits of Grief Counseling
While grief counseling is not necessary for most people dealing with the loss of a loved one, there are some big potential benefits for those who are struggling more than usual. If an individual is experiencing distress before the loss they suffered, or if their grief is chronic and interferes with normal functioning, grief counseling can help him or her to address their intense emotions and move on with the healing process.
Additionally, as with most forms of therapy, it is most effective if the individual voluntarily seeks it out.
Grief Counseling for Adults
3 Techniques used in Grief Counseling
If an individual does seek out grief counseling, this section describes what they can expect from their sessions.
The main goal of most grief counseling is to help the client integrate the reality of their loss into their life going forward, and helping them to maintain a healthy bond to the loved one they lost. According to an active panel of clinical psychologist and expert in grief therapy, there are two important first steps for working with a new client reeling from their loss:
- Processing the Event Story of the Death:
Clinicians working with a bereaved client will first encourage the client to engage in a healing re-telling of the loss. The clinician must create a safe space for the client to open up and build trust, so when the time comes to help the client rewrite the story of their loss, they are able to communicate effectively with the clinician. - Accessing the Back Story of the Relationship:
In addition to hearing about the loss event itself, the clinician will also learn about the client’s relationship with the loved one they lost. “Death may end a life, but not necessarily a relationship.” The clinician will guide the client through learning how to reconstruct their bond with their loved one rather than relinquishing it.
Once you’ve got the basics covered, you can move on to some grief-specific techniques.
Three of the biggest things a good grief counselor can do for their client are to:
- Let them talk about the deceased; ask them about the person, and allow them to speak about their lost loved one in a safe space.
- Distinguish grief from trauma; if the client is struggling to get an image out of their head or experiencing flashbacks to the moment they learned of their loved one’s death, they are experiencing trauma, which can keep them from working through their grief.
- Deal with any guilt they are feeling and help them organize the grief; the client may feel guilty about what they did or didn’t do while their loved one was alive, or they may feel guilty about not feeling “sad enough” or moving on while their loved one is dead. Encourage them to let go of the guilt and commit to living a life that will honor the deceased, even if that means forgetting about them for a little while.
